bright.

Look over there...

He is playing.
He is happy.
He is going to be ok.

He is going to be ok... ok... ok...
---------------------------------------------------------

The last few days have been amazing. Nothing much has happened, but I can't say I've been this happy for a LONG time. A lot of things that I've been working on slowly over the years are slowly maturing and coming to fruition. All that I've put every fibre of my being into is now changing coalescing into what I had once hoped to do. That hope. That dream. I'm there. Finally, I can take a breath.

Sooo much further to go. But I;ve done, for a part, what I deemed impossible. All those years ago (11 to be precise come Aug 15). All of what happened from there until 3 years ago. Every part of that that made me afraid. I'm slowly setting it straight. I'm slowly accepting the responsibility for what was and wasnt my fault. And slow my world is becoming brighter.

The last few months have been strange. I've lost a dear friend. She was right and I was too stubborn to listen. A lot of things the last 11 years have been my own doing. But back then it wasn't me that created those events. I felt that guilt. It was not my doing. I can now accept it. I can move on.

A lot of what's happened in the last 5 yrs IS my fault. It IS my doing. I take full responsibility for it. I'll have to pay the price, if I already haven't done so, but I must say, it's so liberating just accepting that you fucked up. Not having to impress anyone. Not being told that you've failed. That you did something wrong. That your grades weren't good enough. I'm there and I'm happy.

I've learnt a lot and hopefully it'll make me a better person. For all those of you who listed my faults. I thank you. For those who now some of the story, I hope you understand. I know I've done a lot of bad, but can you understand? What is the point of family if that is how they treat you? (btw - not my immediate family, they're wonderful people) What is the point of independence if you;re not free? I tried to understand/accept/be what you wanted me to be. But that is not me. So this is me know. I hope you can let go. I don't want to break away, but I will...

But above all - I'm content. In almost everyway, I'm content where I am. I think I'm going to be ok.

=)